Day 98 – Not great (elaborate)


Having a bit of a hard time with most ‘productive’ areas of life, but at least I’m learning Excel!

Day 98: Not great (elaborate)

Day 98 – Not great (elaborate)

I’m a bit concerned about myself at the moment. I’m falling behind on things again in a fairly major way and I’m not feeling overly healthy.

  • I’m a week late submitting an easy article
  • I’m over a week late sending a gift for an exchange
  • I’m way behind on projects I started in the house
  • I hate to admit this, but the ironing still hasn’t been done. It’s just sitting there in a crinkled mountain. Why did I buy an iron?!
  • I’m not doing well updating this blog – I’m thinking of really cool/useful stuff to write but then not noting it down and coming back to it. Why not? No idea.

    I’ve downloaded a voice-to-text app (using it right now!) to see if that helps – I’m sure that this will be a delight to edit after a morning’s yammering [Edit: I was correct. A delight.]

Added to that, I’m finding it much more difficult to get up in the morning, and I’m going through rapidly cyclical mood-swings – mainly on the inside, it must be said, as I’m still pretty good at keeping a placid exterior.*

I’m also still losing weight, and I’m feeling quite conflicted about that. On one hand, I’m obviously thrilled to be thin again. Or maybe “thrilled” isn’t the right word… more like “relieved”. It’s nice not to have to think about my body, or how others perceive it. It is now socially acceptable, and I don’t have to worry about it. This is my shitty version of body positivity.

On the other hand, it’s not the best feeling in the world to not be in control of your weight loss. I’m still well within a ‘healthy’ range, and I probably won’t panic until I’m edging towards ‘skinny’ rather than ‘slim’, but I worry about other people’s perceptions of me – people I know, rather than people on the street. Becoming suddenly quite tired and thin usually only means bad things.


Veering suddenly into positivity (it’s a rollercoaster today!), I’m quite pleased with how I’m doing in certain mental arenas. I’ve been learning how to build spreadsheets!

This is all part of that matched betting malarkey I’ve been dabbling in. I’m still slogging through amateur hour, but I’ve made a few hundred quid (and I suspect some of the big talkers on the forums are exaggerating – or at least only posting when they’ve done well on low-risk gambling, which isn’t the same thing at all).

I am Bad at Mathstm, which means I didn’t bother trying to comprehend spreadsheets.

Anyway, the money’s handy, but mainly I’m delighted that I’m finally getting to grips with Excel – a programme that I have avoided with cringing fear throughout my professional life. I am Bad at Maths™, which means I didn’t bother trying to comprehend spreadsheets after an initial glance/immediate headache.

Turns out that, as with most things, a few hours’ experimentation and access to Google makes formulae far less intimidating. And it’s super satisfying to write a complex string of characters and see exactly what you wanted to happen actually happen! I’m really quite proud of myself.


* My driving instructor told me I was like a swan: calm and collected on the surface but paddling madly just beneath the water. I thought that was a great analogy.

I’ve learned that if my brain isn’t at its sharpest then I’m best avoiding the whole thing, as I’ve also made a couple of silly mistakes and lost some money, which should never happen if everything’s done correctly – it’s not much, but it could be expensive if I’m not careful.

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